as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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