we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
