I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
im on a boat
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