who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
