WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
