White coat. Heels.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
