I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize