O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
