Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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