in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
