im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I understand Curling. That high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
