I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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