Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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