Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
