Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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