i think i have two assholes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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