Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize