I love black thongs
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
