well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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