SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
