Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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