don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
