if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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