He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
