Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
