i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
