just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
