Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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