God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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