I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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