1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
