pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
