How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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