So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
