I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
