I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
