Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
