While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
