Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
