come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
