i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
