I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
