I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
