He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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