You can't motorboat a personality
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
