I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
