hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
