So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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