Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
