You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
