In the future we'll all be gay
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
