He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
