and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
