she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
