I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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