my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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