The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
