They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
