Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
