My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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