shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
