that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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