dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
