...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
