I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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