i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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