i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
